But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.   –Ephesians 5:3

Sexual integrity is at least as important as theological integrity.  It might even be more important, because some theological error can be corrected in the process of ongoing ministry, as in the ministry of Apollos. I laid a few theological eggs myself early in my ministry.  I wince to think about them.  But those errors are recoverable.  A failure of sexual integrity, however, usually slams the door to ministry.

I remember a young guy who came to my church as youth pastor right after I’d left to go to college.  He’d been at it for three or four months, and word got back to me: he’d fondled a couple of the girls in the youth group… and boom, just like that, his ministry was over.  Makes me wonder what he’s doing now. Building maintenance? Insurance?  Who knows.

Think of your pastor.  Which of the following three sins would provoke the strongest reaction from your church if he were found to have committed it?

1. Lying to the finance committee about his expenditures
2. Losing his temper and cussing someone out at a ballgame
3. Shopping at an adult bookstore

Now answer this: which one would the press jump on?

You see?  It’s the atomic bomb.

A few years ago, every TV news station in our area showed up at my church because one of our fringe members committed a sex crime.  It had nothing to do with our church or its leadership, but they came anyway, and they were on the hunt. The 5:00 news reports called him our “youth pastor.”

We must remember that the reputation of Christ is on the line.

Many capable authors have written on sexual sin, so rather than try to write one of my own, I’d like to suggest a few points of application, and then see what you might have to add.

Commit to biblical sexual integrity.

Living chastely is, in my opinion, the largest challenge of the Christian life in our culture.  Think of all the people who would be willing to become Christians if there were no sexual restrictions! Are you fully, wholeheartedly to living chastely in thought and action, limiting all your sexual activity to the secure confines of holy marriage?

If not, maybe ministry isn’t for you.

Read this sentence very slowly: Sexual integrity means no pornography.

It’s everywhere now: you can get it on your phone, for crying out loud.  Get a filter, get accountability, do whatever you have to do, but stay away.  It is deadly to your soul.

Hedges in relationships

Whether you’re single or married, it is important for you to have boundaries you respect in relationships with the opposite sex.  Typical hedges with members of the opposite sex include things like: do not meet alone behind a closed door; do not dine alone with them; do not ride alone in a car with them.  Take care about your conversation, too: be respectful, not flirtatious, and include the other’s spouse in conversation and community whenever possible.

Nancy Leigh De Moss has a good article on the topic from a woman’s perspective.

These days, you also need to be careful with younger people of the same sex. If you’re a 35 year old man, regardless of your integrity or marital status, if you spend lots of alone time with a 14 year old boy—even if it’s for discipleship—it can arouse suspicions.  It may be silly, but it’s real.  We have to protect the church by staying way above reproach.  One voiced accusation, even if it’s false, can set off a firestorm of panic and distrust that can devastate the church. (In cases like this, a simple fix is to meet in public places.)

Faithfulness in marriage

I’d like to quote from a fellow pastor in my area, whose blog post on this I thought was right on:

“If she’s not your wife, then she’s not yours to touch, love, know the intimate emotions of, call late at night, write emotional emails or flirtatious texts to, or daydream about.  She’s not yours.  She belongs to another man, if not the one she’s married to then the one she will marry.  She belongs to God.  So do you. If you are toying with any of the things I just mentioned–calling, texting, emailing, or even daydreaming about a woman who is not your wife–you are playing with fire.  Rest assured, if you continue, it will spread and burn every square inch of your life.”

Have standards for media consumption

Here’s a question: do you have a standard for movies or TV that you will not watch because of its sexual content?  No?  Then you should get one.  There are kinds of media that you simply don’t need to see.  Our culture doesn’t blink at highly sexualized programming… but we should.  Pick another movie.  Change the channel.

Learn to Confess

Ok.  Everyone who wants to share their most secret, depraved thoughts with someone else, raise their hand.  Anyone?  That’s what I thought. Me neither.

Real accountability for sexual integrity is hard.  The last thing I ever want to do is confess my sin… and sexual sin, last of all. It is, however, the path to freedom.  Drag it into the light, and it loses its power over you. If you’re in the grip of temptation, find a trusted friend in Christ, and confess.

Your turn

Obviously, there’s much, much more that could be said here.  This post is a draft for the sex chapter of the forthcoming book on seminary, so help me: what would you add to what I’ve written?  What books or practices or resources have been helpful to you?

In the face of all the multiple demands at seminary, the temptation to laziness can be acute.  I’ve spoken with a number of students who succumb to laziness, to their own hurt.  They have much to get done, but cannot get themselves to do it.

Often laziness will show up as procrastination; or choosing to do distracting or escapist activities instead of the work at hand.  (For instance: Playstation, TV, movies, escapist reading, laying inactive on the couch, etc.)

Some factors that contribute to laziness:

• Physical exhaustion. Often people with high demand jobs or hours get to the point where they are so physically tired they cannot muster the energy to do something else.
• Lack of endurance. When you begin seminary it usually involves greater time demands than you’ve faced before. Adjusting to the amount of work to be done can be difficult when you’re not accustomed to it.
• Mental Paralysis. I am one who can get mentally paralyzed in the face of too many demands. I’ll get overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin, so I’ll do nothing.
• Depression. Indolence and chronic un-motivation can be a symptom of depression.

Most of the time, however, laziness is a sin. The choice to be lazy is a choice, no matter what your circumstances are.  It is a decision of will. The sin of laziness or sloth is about taking more joy in ease than in doing the will of God, or of executing the responsibilities reasonably expected of us.

Factors we’ve mentioned above can worsen the temptation, in the same way a married man’s temptation to lust is more problematic when his wife is out of town or he’s traveling.  But the circumstance is not the problem.

A few theological reminders:

We were created to work. ”The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it (Genesis 2:15)

We are commanded to work. It’s easy to forget the Sabbath commandment (which we routinely break) begins with a command to work for six days.

“Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work….

(Exodus 20:9-10a, emphasis added)

We do need rest. Laziness, however, is not about rest.  It’s about avoiding exertion.

We were saved to do good works. ”For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10

Remember also the Bible is clear about the results of laziness:

• Fruitlessness (Proverbs 20:4)
• Poor reputation (Proverbs 10:26)
• Lying (Proverbs 22:13)
• Poverty (Proverbs 24:30-34)
• Procrastination (Proverbs 6:9)
• Hindrances (Proverbs 15:19)
• Conceit (Proverbs 26:16)
• Dissatisfaction (Proverbs 13:4)
• Death (Proverbs 21:25)

If you are succumbing to laziness, here are a few suggestions:

Take responsibility. No one is making you lazy; that decision is entirely your own.  Don’t blame it on anyone or anything but yourself.

Be done with excuses.  Your life is not that exceptional.  Quit whining.

Take initiative. Laziness will only go by the exertion of effort on your part.

Look at the big picture of your life. What is it that you want to do?  What’s your purpose in being at seminary?

Try keeping an activity log for a few days. What exactly ARE you doing?  Write everything you do and how long it takes you.  Just being aware of what you’re doing can help.

Break things down. If you find yourself overwhelmed, break down your work into hour long chunks, and assign them to your calendar.  Then you can focus on just one thing at a time.

Simply your schedule. If you have too much to do, look for things you can eliminate or delegate.

Get counseling. Laziness can be a symptom of depression.  Are you depressed?  People in ministry are not immune!  Most seminaries have free counseling-make an appointment.

Go to sleep. If you’re tired, sleep.  Most Americans, in fact, are acutely sleep deprived.  Beware of staying up late watching TV, vegging on the couch.  It is not helping you.  Go to bed.

Exercise. Done right, exercise is energizing, not tiring.  I’m not asking you to run marathons, but a brisk walk will help improve your metabolism, and it will get you moving.

Watch your diet. Eating fresh and healthy choices will help feel more energized.  Fast food can make you lethargic.

Be with people. I find it much easier to be lazy when other people aren’t around.  There is a motivation in community.  Studying in the library might be a good alternative to doing it at home.

Get perspective. You’re at seminary.  Do you know what a gift that is?  Do you know how many third world pastors are pouring themselves out for their people and will never have the opportunity for formal theological education? Be grateful, and work hard.

Repent. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for your sins so you could avoid work.  Live worthy of the calling you have received.

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God…” Colossians 1:10

Finally, a few quotes:

There is no fatigue so wearisome as that which comes from lack of work. - Charles Spurgeon

Nobody can think straight who does not work. Idleness warps the mind. - Henry Ford

Determine never to be idle… It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.

- Thomas Jefferson

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he set out, will have condemned himself to second-hand thoughts and to second-rate friends. - Cyril Connolly

(From the archives.)

Related:

Procrastination: Seminary Time Waster #1

Eliminate Time Wasters

Boy was I surprised. My first semester, I enrolled in Hebrew class, like many beginning M.Div.-ers. I made friends with some other young single guys in the class, and we got together to study. I lived off campus, but they lived in the men’s dorm on campus, so I went over and hung out with them.

One day a group of us got in a conversation about scriptural interpretation. A prominent church leader had shared (in chapel I think) how he had made a major life decision based on a particular verse of scripture…and by the rules we were studying at the time, we agreed that he’d not interpreted the scripture correctly. So we were batting that around.

Somewhere in that conversation one of the guys made a remark I’ll never forget. He said, “Interpreting the Bible properly is so difficult and such hard work, that I don’t even bother to read my Bible devotionally any more.”

This gave me pause. I asked for clarification. I got way more.

I agreed with him about the challenges of proper interpretation, but then I asked him, “You mean to tell me that Farmer Jones out in East Texas can’t sit down with his Bible and his morning coffee, pray that God will speak to him through it and expect reliably to hear from God?”

He said, “No, that’s not possible.”

He went on to say that God could speak just as well through the “funnies” in the newspaper as he could through the Bible.

Wow.

So I chalked it up to him being one of those weird students that you’re bound to run into anywhere. I found out he went to one of the loopier, left-leaning churches in the area, so I figured he was an exception, a little nutty. I’m still pretty sure I was right about this.

But after a while, the others left the room, and I was talking with another friend, one more stable, more normal, more conservative, more in the mainstream of what I considered seminary students to be. The kind of guy you’d want to be on church staff with you.

I was bemoaning the weird guy’s (I thought) abandonment of God, and he said, “Well, to be honest with you, I don’t read my Bible devotionally either.”

He paused.

“And neither does John, or Keith, or….” He went on to name about six guys from his floor that he knew for a fact had abandoned daily time in prayer and in the scriptures.

I was amazed. We talked more. He had been very faithful in personal devotion in college, but somehow just stopped.

These guys, in this atmosphere of saturation of study of the word of God, had abandoned a devotional pursuit of God. They started studying God and stopped loving Him.

I went on to discover that this is very common among seminary students. In all honesty, I struggled very much with this during seminary. By God’s mercy, I managed to keep my habits of prayer maintained, but seminary was a dry and difficult time.

Philosophical riff:

It reminded me of C. S. Lewis’ lament in The Abolition of Man
that the modern world produces men without chests: heavy on reason (the head) and heavy on animal appetites(the belly) but without sentiment (the chest), that ennobling blend of emotion and truth that warms the aridity of cold reason and ennobles the raw impulses of the body. The head, reason, makes us like God; the belly, our appetites, make us like animals. The chest is the mediator that brings them together and makes us really human.

It’s no accident that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God. The basic duty of man to the Lord is worship: an activity of the chest—of the heart—if ever there was one.

The modern man, Lewis said, has a big head and no chest. So apparently, did some of my fellow seminarians.

Conclusion:

Seminary is a dry time for devotion. The easy way out is to blame the seminary: the modern institution produces modern men. I don’t buy it. You and I are responsible for our own growth. In the midst of all your study, be sure you are loving God well.

But let me assure you, especially you new seminarians, that there is another guy you do not want to be.  In the fine tradition of the “Real Men of Genius” radio commercials that salute such men as “Mr. Giant Taco Salad Inventor”, “Mr. Bathroom Toilet Paper Roll Changer”, and “Mr. Scoreboard Marriage Proposal Guy”, I give to you this guy not to be:  ”Mr. Ask a Question in Class to Try to Look Smarter Guy.”

Allow me to illustrate.  While sitting through my first semester of Introduction to the New Testament, I can recall that, almost every day, a particular student would pose at least one question in class.  This event was always special, because, whenever this gentlemen would raise his hand, the sound of other students’ pencils (think pre-laptop saturation) dropping to their desks made it sound as though a tiny little wooden rain storm had somehow begun inside the room.  Undeterred, this student would ask a question that usually began with the phrase “Don’t you think. . . ” and would continue through at least five minutes of him expounding his particular view of some topic for the professor to approve.  Honestly, I never recall this man asking a question that he did not think he already knew the answer to.  All of his questions-all of them-were intended to make sure that the professor would say, “Yes, that’s right.”

Not being Mr. Ask a Question in Class to Try to Look Smarter Guy will aid your survival at seminary.  Why?  First, you will have fewer students plotting your untimely demise (or, in Christian terms, plotting your predetermined entry to glory).  Second, you will actually have time to hear what your professor actually does think about the topic that he actually intends to teach.  Third, you will have a far smaller chance of expounding heresy in a classroom only to have to be publicly corrected by the professor who has so patiently allowed you to jam all ten toes into your mouth.  And fourth, it could be that another student in the class has a question that will be helpful to the entire class, a question that brings forth from the professor greater explanation of the topic at hand.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we all want to participate appropriately in class.  If the professor is asking for your opinion, feel free to give him what he seeks.  If it is a group discussion, join in and have a blast (within limits of courtesy and decency).  But please, for your own ability to learn and for the sake of the sanity of those who sit in class around you, do not ever become Mr. Ask a Question in Class to Try to Look Smarter Guy.

In the face of all the multiple demands at seminary, the temptation to laziness can be acute.  I’ve spoken with a number of students who succumb to laziness, to their own hurt.  They have much to get done, but cannot get themselves to do it.

Often laziness will show up as procrastination; or choosing to do distracting or escapist activities instead of the work at hand.  (For instance: Playstation, TV, movies, escapist reading, laying inactive on the couch, etc.)

Some factors that contribute to laziness:

• Physical exhaustion. Often people with high demand jobs or hours get to the point where they are so physically tired they cannot muster the energy to do something else.
• Lack of endurance. When you begin seminary it usually involves greater time demands than you’ve faced before. Adjusting to the amount of work to be done can be difficult when you’re not accustomed to it.
• Mental Paralysis. I am one who can get mentally paralyzed in the face of too many demands. I’ll get overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin, so I’ll do nothing.
• Depression. Indolence and chronic un-motivation can be a symptom of depression.

Most of the time, however, laziness is a sin. The choice to be lazy is a choice, no matter what your circumstances are.  It is a decision of will. The sin of laziness or sloth is about taking more joy in ease than in doing the will of God, or of executing the responsibilities reasonably expected of us.

Factors we’ve mentioned above can worsen the temptation, in the same way a married man’s temptation to lust is more problematic when his wife is out of town or he’s traveling.  But the circumstance is not the problem.

A few theological reminders:

We were created to work. “The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it (Genesis 2:15)

We are commanded to work. It’s easy to forget the Sabbath commandment (which we routinely break) begins with a command to work for six days.

“Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work….

(Exodus 20:9-10a, emphasis added)

We do need rest. Laziness, however, is not about rest.  It’s about avoiding exertion.

We were saved to do good works. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10

Remember also the Bible is clear about the results of laziness:

• Fruitlessness (Proverbs 20:4)
• Poor reputation (Proverbs 10:26)
• Lying (Proverbs 22:13)
• Poverty (Proverbs 24:30-34)
• Procrastination (Proverbs 6:9)
• Hindrances (Proverbs 15:19)
• Conceit (Proverbs 26:16)
• Dissatisfaction (Proverbs 13:4)
• Death (Proverbs 21:25)

If you are succumbing to laziness, here are a few suggestions:

Take responsibility. No one is making you lazy; that decision is entirely your own.  Don’t blame it on anyone or anything but yourself.

Be done with excuses.  Your life is not that exceptional.  Quit whining.

Take initiative. Laziness will only go by the exertion of effort on your part.

Look at the big picture of your life. What is it that you want to do?  What’s your purpose in being at seminary?

Try keeping an activity log for a few days. What exactly ARE you doing?  Write everything you do and how long it takes you.  Just being aware of what you’re doing can help.

Break things down. If you find yourself overwhelmed, break down your work into hour long chunks, and assign them to your calendar.  Then you can focus on just one thing at a time.

Simply your schedule. If you have too much to do, look for things you can eliminate or delegate.

Get counseling. Laziness can be a symptom of depression.  Are you depressed?  People in ministry are not immune!  Most seminaries have free counseling-make an appointment.

Go to sleep. If you’re tired, sleep.  Most Americans, in fact, are acutely sleep deprived.  Beware of staying up late watching TV, vegging on the couch.  It is not helping you.  Go to bed.

Exercise. Done right, exercise is energizing, not tiring.  I’m not asking you to run marathons, but a brisk walk will help improve your metabolism, and it will get you moving.

Watch your diet. Eating fresh and healthy choices will help feel more energized.  Fast food can make you lethargic.

Be with people. I find it much easier to be lazy when other people aren’t around.  There is a motivation in community.  Studying in the library might be a good alternative to doing it at home.

Get perspective. You’re at seminary.  Do you know what a gift that is?  Do you know how many third world pastors are pouring themselves out for their people and will never have the opportunity for formal theological education? Be grateful, and work hard.

Repent. Jesus Christ did not die on the cross for your sins so you could avoid work.  Live worthy of the calling you have received.

“And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God…” Colossians 1:10

Finally, a few quotes:

There is no fatigue so wearisome as that which comes from lack of work. – Charles Spurgeon

Nobody can think straight who does not work. Idleness warps the mind. – Henry Ford

Determine never to be idle… It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.

- Thomas Jefferson

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he set out, will have condemned himself to second-hand thoughts and to second-rate friends. – Cyril Connolly

Related:

Procrastination: Seminary Time Waster #1

Eliminate Time Wasters

There’s just one problem. I hate confessing my sins.

I mean I really hate it. Viscerally. It makes me squirm and writhe down to the very core of my soul to say out loud what I was thinking or what I was doing or what I was looking at. You’d think I was undergoing exorcism (which, in a way, is exactly what’s happening). I’d almost rather do anything than confess my sins. I’d rather hide my sins and play the “Oh-I’m-fine” church game for all eternity.

So I’m still learning the discipline of confession. My counsel to seminary students is to join me.

Since most of our readers are from Christian traditions in which confession is not a formal practice, I offer a few thoughts on its implementation

Choosing a Confessor. You need a mature Christian friend of the same gender who knows you well enough and is mature enough to handle your depravity. They should love you and you should be reasonably comfortable with them. If you don’t have any relationships of this quality, you can go to a pastor or counselor as an intermediate measure.

However, the absence of quality friendships in which confession of sins is possible is a big problem. You need friends like this. Be sure that the real problem isn’t your unwillingness to be transparent.

Beware of confessing to new Christians or emotionally immature people. I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone can handle the responsibility of hearing about my depravity. This is especially true for people in ministry, because ordinary Christians sometimes put us on a pedestal. It’s important that we find safe people.

Full Honesty. God desires “truth in the inner parts (Psalm 51:6) Even as we confess our sin, we’re inclined to qualify, justify and minimize it, giving reasons why it’s not as bad as it sounds, etc. Forget that. In confession, we embrace the glorious truth is that Christ is our justification and we need no other. True confession abandons all self-justification, looks our depravity full in its face and holds nothing back.

Don’t Play Language Games. When you’re confessing, do not qualify your sin by saying you’re “struggling” with it. No you’re not. You’re sinning. Deliberately.

Abraham Piper is incisive:

We’re not porn-addicts; we “struggle with lust.”

We’re not arrogant; we “struggle with pride.”

With a simple cliché our sins become palatable.

C. J. Mahaney has great counsel, too:

A sincere confession of sin should be specific (“I was arrogant and angry when I made that statement; will you please forgive me for sinning against you in this way?”) and brief (this shouldn’t take long). When I find myself adding an explanation to my confession, I’m not asking forgiveness but instead appealing for understanding.

Confess Early

I have a close friend from college who’s also in ministry. We call each other when we’re facing or giving in to sexual temptation. It’s always best when I call him at the first sign of trouble:

• It halts the downhill slide of my depravity
• The earlier I do it, the less I have to confess
• My confessing inspires him to come clean about his failures (and vice versa)

Confess Regularly

I’m not of the school of thought that we have to verbally name every sin we commit. I’m not even sure that’s possible. There’s no question, however, that we would benefit greatly from a regular pattern of confession of sin. Think of how much pride would be derailed if every week we named our sins out loud to a loving friend in Christ!

When hearing confessions:

Be gracious. Once a person has come to a point of admitting their sin, they usually don’t need us piling on telling them how awful it is, unless they’re being evasive. Our primary function is to minister the grace and forgiveness of Christ to them. “Watch yourselves, lest you too be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1) Beware of any arrogance of superiority about your brother’s failings.

Don’t say it’s all right when it’s not. Say only things that are true: You have sinned, you are loved, you are forgiven. It’s a chance to be priestly to each other.

Encourage preventative and restorative measures. This may mean memorizing scripture, praying in a certain way, confessing sin to an injured party, taking steps of restoration or repayment, the end of a relationship, a change in schedule, a filter on a computer, or even counseling or some kind of intervention.

Don’t try to fix them. You are not the Holy Spirit. It’s not your job to sanctify them, or to “make sure this never happens again.”

Don’t get over your head. Remember that you’re a brother and not a professional counselor-don’t try to solve problems that are too big for you. At my church, we refer people with serious issues to Christian counselors all the time. We still love, pray and support them,

Always pray together. Prayer brings the presence of God into the confession experience in a very cleansing and affirming way.

“A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

1. Cultivate pride by writing only to impress your professors instead of writing to better understand and more clearly communicate truth.

2. Perfect the fine art of corner-cutting by not really researching for a paper but instead writing your uneducated and unsubstantiated opinions and filling them in with strategically placed footnotes.

3. Mistake the amount of education you receive with the actual knowledge you obtain. Keep telling yourself, “I’ll really start learning this stuff when I do my Th.M or my Ph.D.”

4. Nurture an attitude of superiority, competition, and condesension toward fellow seminary students. Secretly speak ill of them with friends and with your spouse.

5. Regularly question the wisdom and competency of your professors. Find ways to disrespect your professors by questioning them publicly in class and by trying to make them look foolish.

6. Neglect personal worship, Bible reading and prayer.

7. Don’t evangelize your neighbors.

As I read the complete list, I recognized myself all too well. It hammers mercilessly at the real dangers of seminary and ministry: pride, conceit, and Pharisaism, of exactly the type I’m so susceptible to.

My counsel: print the entire list, and review it at least once per semester during seminary.

Thanks to Travis for the heads-up.

Our research on theological education as well as surveys with people in the field led us to make mentoring a significant part of our learning model. Many seminaries will involve mentoring during the last two semesters of their study as part of the field education experience. At Rockbridge, we require students to have a mentor for every class. We believe mentoring is supported by biblical teaching. Regardless of your seminary’s requirements, you can enlist the support of a mentor throughout your entire program of study.

We’ve learned that mentoring is best done when initiated by the student. Mentors who are assigned by others often don’t work because there is no chemistry or camaraderie. Look for a person who is willing to inject truth into your life and spend time with you. This should be an enjoyable experience for both of you. You will get as much out of the experience as you want. Let me say this as straight as I can: If you select a mentor that isn’t willing and able to invest time in you, then you are better off finding another learning coach.

It’s a good idea to have more than one mentor. Typically, not every mentor is strong in all areas of ministry. At the first of every term, schedule meetings with your mentor(s). Get them on the calendar early. Mentors are usually very busy people and you’ll have to work with their schedules. Multi-task by meeting for lunch or breakfast, and accompanying your mentor to regular work events. If your mentor is great in evangelism, go together on outreach efforts. Ride in the car to meetings together. Find ways to spend time with each other without adding to your busy schedules.

Go prepared for each meeting. Know what you want to debrief about. Ask questions, seek clarifications, and so on. Go in with an agenda of questions for your mentor, things you’ve learned and especially self-discoveries to share and discuss. Ask your mentors for insights from their experiences and any insights they might have regarding what they have observed in you. The better planned you are, the better the experience. The purpose of these meetings should be to discuss how what you are learning is moving you forward in your spiritual development, in light of your calling. Here are some starter questions to discuss:

• How is this course helping you develop your call to service?
• What questions do you have from your reading or class discussions?
• How do you apply what you are learning this term to your ministry context?
• What leadership skills do you need to develop?
• How can your mentor personally support you moving forward?

When meeting with your mentor, plan to ask open-ended questions to draw out what your mentor is thinking, like

• “What do you think?”
• “Where do you think I need to focus more attention moving forward? Why? How?”
• “What blind spots do you see that I may be missing?”
• “If you were in my position, how would you go deeper to develop in this area?”
• “Have you made mistakes in this area that I can learn from?”

Lastly, don’t forget to say thanks for the investment your mentor made in your life. Send your mentor a thank-you card or small gift to express your appreciation.

Daryl Eldridge is President and Cofounder of Rockbridge Seminary.

www.rockbridgeseminary.org

“Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season.” 2 Timothy 4:2

HT: Timmy Brister

Seminary cannot teach you to love people. If you are going to lead God’s people, however, you must learn to love them.

Seminary by its nature is primarily devoted to the formation of the mind, to think right thoughts about God, to master theology. This is an important pursuit which I do not at all wish to minimize. Rightly approached, it will fuel our love and zeal for God.

But the connection between truth and life is not automatic. Having a well-formed mind is no guarantee of a well-formed heart. Many in the seminary community dislike what they see as a false disconnect between intellectual growth and spiritual formation… but experience in the trenches shows that this disconnect is real.

Dr. Al Mohler, the president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, commented on this to his trustees in a recent meeting.

“I want to remind you that there is … a great deal which we can and must do, but we cannot make a minister. Only Christ can do that,” he said.

“I don’t think in a classroom you can learn what it means to love people the way the Apostle Paul talks about it here. I think you have to learn that in the local church. You have to learn that at the bedside of a saint who is going home to be with the Lord, you have to learn that in talking to a couple that thinks divorce is an option and you’ve got to tell them it isn’t. You have to learn this the hard way.”

Complete story on Dr. Mohler’s address to the trustees.

In short, seminary will not hand you a heart of compassion. It’s not in the curriculum. You must get one yourself, elsewhere.

I suspect that most people, if asked to choose between a pastor of uncommon intellect and one of uncommon love, will choose the latter. (We’ll see if our poll bears that out.) Jesus was the most brilliant man who ever walked the earth… but it was his evident compassion that drew people to him. If we would lead well in ministry, we must emulate Him.

Here are a few suggestions:

Get involved in a local church. Dr. Mohler is right. In the academy, it’s easy to have noble ideas about loving people until it’s time to actually do it. Then you run into the scandal of particularity: “Sure I love people. But him? Her?” It’s one thing to be prepared to love God’s church, until you meet them. Loving that pushy, troublemaking woman is a challenge. Loving that cranky deacon who never has anything good to say is a challenge. Loving the 3rd grader from the abusive home who is too afraid to respond to you is hard.

If you don’t know this yet, learn it now: church people are frequently demanding, hard-headed, unreasonable, and unforgiving.

Who loves people like that anyway? Oh yeah. God does.

So start now. Get to know real people in a local church

Pray for a heart of love. Let’s be honest. We need supernatural transformation to be capable of this calling. Ask for it.

Worship as you study. Take time to step back from the up-close scrutiny of God and His Word, and marvel at all He is and all He’s done. Abide in His love. Be sure you aren’t just parsing verbs during your quiet times.

Love the ones you’re with. Are you loving your wife and kids well? If you’re single, what about your roommates or friends in the dorm? Begin there.

Find loving people and spend time with them. Find a compassionate pastor or deacon and go on hospital visits with them, to learn how to do it.

Take up the responsibility. Who is in your life who you could be loving? Who’s going to love that solitary guy at work? Who’s going to love your kid’s first grade teacher? Your elderly neighbor? Answer: you are. Find ways.

Learn the five love languages, and practice them. Gary Chapman’s book has helped me to expand my vocabulary of love, and gives me a range of options to think about when it’s time to express love. Here they are: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and gifts.

Practice gratitude. Make thanksgiving a regular part of your time with God. So many times our difficulty loving others springs from our sense of neediness. Gratitude is a way of remembering that in Christ we have all things. Take a moment now: I bet you can fill up a page in a couple of minutes about all you have to be thankful for.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.
-Cicero.

Focus on what you have in common with others. I think often our failure in communication and compassion for other people comes when we think of the things that separate us. You can love people very different from you if you remember a few simple things.

• Like me this person is human, and makes mistakes
• Like me, this person can fall in the trap of thinking about themselves first
• Like me, this person has needs that only God can fill.
• Like me, this person is deeply loved by Jesus Christ.

Further Reading:
See Timmy Brister’s reflection on Mohler’s remarks.