Last weekend, I visited Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. During my visit I observed a Q&A panel between future students and professors there. One professor during the panel discussed how important it is to remember that we are glorifying God in our studies no matter the result with the quote:”I would rather you give glory to God and make a C through your own hardwork then obtain an A through dishonest methods.”

Good thoughts. I’ve seen cases where taking caution too far makes you end up treating women like asbestos, rather than sisters. I don’t think we hear much about that danger.

There is a good book, Sacred Unions, Sacred Passsions about cross gender friendship.

What I see from many pastor friends is that while they may not be sexist in their general outlook, that because they have had no cross gender interaction drilled into them, they end up being very sexist in result. So when you can talk to and disciple a man (as a man) but can’t even talk to a woman without someone else present, you end up with no women involved in any level of church leadership.

Without real friendships between men and women, you also end up not actually knowing or understanding what someone of the opposite gender would think about something. So there are lots of misunderstandings among pastors as their church members that just don’t need to be there.

I also believe that the best way for men to not see women as sexual objects alone is to view them as sisters in Christ. That cannot happen if you don’t actually interact with women. I believe that deep chaste friendships actually can help marriages because your spouse is not the only woman that you actually know well. It can help you see areas of gender and not just view your spouse and opposing you in a particular area.

I think everyone knows the typical “rules” on sexual fidelity–not that they follow them. But what I think is typically missing is an emphasis on joy.

I had an elder confront me on this once. He pointed out that I was seeking my joy from all of these other sources. He commended Christ to me. Told me to seek all of my joy from him. I agreed in theory, but I had no real idea of what it meant to seek Christ out as my joy. It’s taken years of prayer and practice to recognize that when I’m weak, it’s not typically because I’m “excited,” but rather because some part of my life that I hoped would fulfill me, hasn’t. It could be porn, or porn could be the numbing agent when work (or yes, even seminary) isn’t going well.

Don’t make seminary your joy. Don’t make porn your joy. Don’t make your spouse your joy. Christ alone.

There is a lot of wisdom in the post. My wife and I dropped cable when we moved and are careful about how much media we consume. Also, I prioritize my Fridays (my day off) for studying for about 10 to 12 hours. Finally, I work better at night. I also need to prioritize family time. Most days I will end up reading from 10 pm to about 1 or 2 am. It can be wearying, but it is worth it.

Thankfully I’ve got a wonderful ministry situation and am looking forward to wrapping up my seminars this year. Anyone will benefit from reading this post.

Glad to have come across your post–I’ve added it to my page of posts on working on a PhD here.

Grace to you!

I might have some guest posts available in the future. I will contact you about that later.