We’re nice people. We like to say yes. Jesus knew this. He advised us, “Ask and it shall be given to you.” (This verse is not primarily about prayer; it is about human interaction.) He knew that people’s default response to any request is yes.

If you say yes to everything, you’re in for it. Refusing to say no means that you cede to others the right to manage your time. Unchecked, people will suck your time and your life away. It is imperative that you learn to say no.

Here’s an exercise, recommended by Tim Ferris: for two days, make your default request to everything asked of you “no.” (Ok, exceptions granted for God, your spouse, your boss…although even the boss needs to be told no occasionally.)

It’s a good habit to develop, because it requires guts. If you’re gutless, start telling people no. Remember: this is responsible time management. You’re not saying no to be a jerk, you’re saying no so you can say yes to the most important things.

In the category of “things to say no to”, let’s start with this list from Richard Koch’s The 80/20 Principle (p. 161). These are his top ten low-value uses of time.

1. Things other people want you to do
2. Things that have always been done this way
3. Things you’re not unusually good at doing.
4. Things you don’t enjoy doing
5. Things that are always interrupted
6. Things few others people are interested in
7. Things that have already taken twice as long as you originally expected
8. Things where you collaborators are unreliable or poor quality
9. Things that have a predictable cycle
10. Answering the telephone

Great ideas. I would add a few:

• Recreational opportunities that will not give you rest or energy. For instance, an all-night video game marathon is lots of fun, but it’ll also disturb your sleep cycle and make you worthless the next day.
• Social invites from people who drain you more than strengthen you. Decline politely.
• Random ministry opportunities that need a body to fill. Seminary students are ripe for churches to exploit. Choose your ministries wisely, and stick to them. I’m not saying that you can’t meet a need in a pinch or be a servant. You can. But if you do so all the time, you cannot be the leader you need to be. Real leaders know how to say no.

A few questions to provoke discussion:

• What do you find it easy to say no to?
• What do you find it hard to say no to?
• What do you want to say no to, but can’t?

This will suck your life away if you’re not careful. We must defend our own borders.

Of course, most of us in ministry ARE nice, and want to say yes. We find it hard to say no.

If that’s you, then 43 Folders has a great post on the alternative to saying yes or no. It’s the “qualified yes.” It’s basically yes with defined limits. Their example:

So, what used to be “Sure, I’ll do your web site” is now more often “Sure, I’ll give you 10 hours and 3 calls over the next month to use however you want.” If nothing else, it helps everyone understand that time is a precious commodity, but it also gets me out of being the de facto manager for every aspect of a project I touch.

Try it. Can you proofread my paper? Yes, if you email it to me by 4:00.
Can you lead VBS for 3rd graders this year? Yes, if you can find me an assistant and manage on Thursday when I’m gone.

HT: Pastor Hacks